Have you ever felt like you and your marriage partner are speaking but not communicating? Job stress, raising children, economic issues, and health problems: these can all put major stresses on a marriage and make proper communication seem as difficult as scaling Everest. But it can be done. And it could be the key to saving your marriage. So, how can you improve your communication skills?
Practice Reflective Listening
At some point, everyone is guilty of tuning their partner out, whether intentionally (watching TV whilst listening never ends well) or unintentionally (“I’m so tired. What should I make for dinner? Have the kids done their homework?…What did she just say?”). The solution is to practice reflective listening; pay attention, think about what your spouse is saying and reflect on how this is making them feel.
Ask Clarifying Questions
When discussing a delicate issue, it’s easy to jump to the wrong conclusions. Instead, pause, and then ask a clarifying question. For example, your husband announces he’s thinking of quitting his job. You have two options. Firstly, you could panic: “What about the mortgage? How will we put food on the table? We have credit card debt!” Or you could find out more about what your spouse is thinking: “Are you unhappy at work? Have you got another job in mind?”
Choose Your Words Wisely
The specific words you choose can have a greater impact on communication than you may think. For example, words like “never” or “always” come across as accusations that will in turn make your spouse feel defensive. Another point to remember is to use “I” instead of “you”. When you start sentences with “I”, you are expressing how you feel (“I felt hurt when you didn’t come home for dinner”), as opposed to accusing your spouse of bad motives (“You are so selfish, you never think of me!”).
Improving your styles of communication can be difficult, but the results are well worth the effort. And the good news is you don’t have to make this transition on your own. Hidden Stream Counseling employs qualified, experienced and empathetic counsellors who can help you to get your marriage back on track. They will teach you and your spouse how to communicate in a healthy and loving way, enabling you to prosper together, no matter what stresses life may throw at you.
Marriage Counseling 