Nothing is more life changing than having your first child. Unfortunately, a new child can make or break your marriage. Many couples seem to thrive on having a family, while others seem to falter. There’s no way to predetermine which parents are going to thrive on the experience and which are going regret it.
No amount of preparation can ever prepare you for being a parent, but often marriage issues after the first child can create or add to the discord between a couple. There can be many common issues that occur.
Postpartum depression. This is a real condition that affects some women after giving birth and can play a factor in friction between a couple. A woman may be experiencing unfamiliar hormonal changes and become depressed. She wonders if something is wrong with her when she’s not happy or bonding with her new baby. A man may not be understanding of this condition and resent her for it.
Exhaustion. Both parents may be exhausted as they try to balance their lives with a new baby. Babies have a lot of demands in the first months after birth – needing to be fed every two or three hours, diaper changes, bathing and constant attention. Exhaustion and the constant focus on the baby can lead the parents into feeling that their own needs aren’t being met. The blame will be placed on the other parent, rather than on the small child, who is supposed to be a bundle of joy.
No Together Time. The couple may feel like they’re drifting apart, as there is no together time left anymore. There may be little time for sex, or the woman may be too exhausted. The man may feel like his needs aren’t being met. Even if both parents are on board for spending more time together, it can often be hard to schedule.
Jealousy. Sounds funny, but true that one parent may be jealous that one parent seems to love the baby more than them. This is completely natural. It’s a different type of love that may be a new feeling for both parents. But it’s possible that there may be some resentment as a result of it.
Even though there may be friction in the marriage, often a new bond has also been created, just like when you were dating, or the first few times you had sex together. The more time you spend with your baby, the more chances you’ll bond more deeply.
Marriage problems are normal, and the couple shouldn’t be made to feel worse about them. There’s no amount of preparation you can do for all these new feelings that you’re going to be experiencing upon the birth of your new child. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, if your new baby is overwhelming your life, and affecting how you are living with your partner.
If you are feeling overwhelmed contact Hidden Stream Counseling for assistance at 919-307-3805.
Marriage Counseling 