Marriage Issues After the First Child

Nothing is more life changing than having your first child. Unfortunately, a new child can make or break your marriage. Many couples seem to thrive on having a family, while others seem to falter. There’s no way to predetermine which parents are going to thrive on the experience and which are going regret it.

No amount of preparation can ever prepare you for being a parent, but often marriage issues after the first child can create or add to the discord between a couple. There can be many common issues that occur.
Postpartum depression. This is a real condition that affects some women after giving birth and can play a factor in friction between a couple. A woman may be experiencing unfamiliar hormonal changes and become depressed.  She wonders if something is wrong with her when she’s not happy or bonding with her new baby. A man may not be understanding of this condition and resent her for it.

Exhaustion.  Both parents may be exhausted as they try to balance their lives with a new baby.  Babies have a lot of demands in the first months after birth – needing to be fed every two or three hours, diaper changes, bathing and  constant attention. Exhaustion and the constant focus on the baby can lead the parents into feeling that their own needs aren’t being met. The blame will be placed on the other parent, rather than on the small child, who is supposed to be a bundle of joy.

No Together Time.  The couple may feel like they’re drifting apart, as there is no together time left anymore. There may be little time for sex, or the woman may be too exhausted. The man may feel like his needs aren’t being met. Even if both parents are on board for spending more time together, it can often be hard to schedule.

Jealousy.  Sounds funny, but true that one parent may be jealous that one parent seems to love the baby more than them.  This is completely natural. It’s a different type of love that may be a new feeling for both parents. But it’s possible that there may be some resentment as a result of it.

Even though there may be friction in the marriage, often a new bond has also been created, just like when you were dating, or the first few times you had sex together. The more time you spend with your baby, the more chances you’ll bond more deeply.

Marriage problems are normal, and the couple shouldn’t be made to feel worse about them. There’s no amount of preparation you can do for all these new feelings that you’re going to be experiencing upon the birth of your new child. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, if your new baby is overwhelming your life, and affecting how you are living with your partner.

If you are feeling overwhelmed contact Hidden Stream Counseling for assistance at 919-307-3805.

Dealing with Your Ex During the Holidays

 

Focus on the children during the holidays

The holidays are a stressful time for most people. All the activity, decorating, parties, shopping, etc. can wear anybody down. The holidays can be even more stressful if you are divorced with children. So how do you make sure your children are happy when you might have to have contact with your ex-spouse? What is the best approach so there are no hassles and your children have happy memories? Here are a few articles with tips and techniques to follow:

Dealing with Your Ex on Special Occasions

“Getting along with your former spouse or partner may seem impossible at times. But if you have kids, there are going to be special days where you will have to be together. Birthdays, holidays, graduations, weddings, and other occasions will be better for everyone if the two of you agree to get along.”

http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/dealing-with-your-ex-on-special-occasions

Managing Divorce and Children During the Holidays

“Divorced with children? Well, then you’ll never be completely divorced. You and your ex are connected through your children, and you will be throughout life. How? Coordinating schedules. Discipline. Their sicknesses. Figuring out how to deal with each other, or not, at school and extracurricularactivities.”

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/divorced-children/200812/managing-divorce-and-children-during-the-holidays

Navigating the Holidays With Kids and an Ex

“Holidays are by their nature, challenging for divorced and separated parents. The family-focused activities present dilemmas: Which parent will host which activity; which parent will chaperone which event; which parent will have Santa visit? This month can end up feeling anything but festive.”

https://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/on-parenting/post/the-holidays-with-kids-and-an-ex/2012/12/06/35606f3a-3efd-11e2-ae43-cf491b837f7b_blog.html

Sharing Your Kids With Your Ex During the Holidays

“Divorce, it’s not a topic we usually think of when we’re considering holiday plans, but for children whose parents live separately, holidays can be both wonderful and complicated.”

http://www.awakeparent.com/Shelly/sharing-kids-with-ex/

The general rule for the holidays is to put your feelings aside and focus on the kids. If there is one thing both parents should agree on it is that creating happy holiday memories for your children are a top priority.

If you would like help dealing with your ex, contact Hidden Stream Counseling at 919-307-3805.

Simple Tips For Conflict Resolution

All people will experience a conflicting circumstance at some stage in their lives. The key to effective conflict resolution relies on key factors that can be learned and incorporated to ensure that arguments and disagreements are handled in an amicable manner. The following takes a closer look at the steps that one can take to better manage future difficulties.

When confronted with a conflicting situation, it is important to first take a step back and to refrain from lashing out or reacting in an argumentative manner. Individuals who approach the situation in an aggressive manner, reacting to this behavior will simply heighten emotions. By reserving your comment and often walking away to deal with the difference later, will assist in easing the situation for later resolution.

For those who react and respond in anger, it may come from a place of severe emotional hurt. Angry reactions are often a result from deep fear or sadness with the aim of defending against such sensitive emotions. Being honest with another person and discussing how you feel in an open manner can minimize a defensive attitude and hurtful response.

Where such difficulties arise in the home, it is important to recognize that it is a normal process and is not an indication of improper actions. Not all people can agree all of the time and mistakes are made that can be corrected, forgiven and moved pass. It is individual responsibility to implement responsibility and to learn from the process.

Admitting to your mistakes and apologizing does not indicate weakness, but is a bold and courageous step to resolving difficulties and healing relationships. Not acting out of anger will aid in viewing the situation more rationally rather than being clouded by emotion. Investing in such measures can assist in personal growth and maturity in everyday personal and professional practices.

If you need assistance with conflict resolution contact Hidden Stream Counseling at 919-307-3805.

Tips on Repairing Trust in Your Marriage

The foundation to a lasting marriage includes trust. On the wedding day, a couple make vows that are based on trust, with each partner being assured that the other will always be faithful, loyal and honest. It is therefore not surprising, that when that trust is disturbed in a marriage, it is very difficult to repair and rebuild it. In a number of marriages, a breach of trust will almost certainly lead to a divorce; but this need not be the case. Here are some tips on repairing the trust in your marriage.

Confession is good for the soul

The road to repairing trust in a marriage begins with a full confession of the wrong that has been done by one or both partners in a marriage. This is an opportunity to put it all on the table. Deciding to tell some of the “truth” and hiding the rest can only lead to more distrust and will significantly jeopardize any attempts to repair the marriage. While this process of professing it all can be hard, it is necessary.

Seek and receive forgiveness

Forgiveness can be hard to give to a partner who has breached the trust in a marriage, but there can be no progress if there is no forgiveness. Forgiveness means that the party at wrong has approach the other in remorse seeking to have his or her slate cleaned and the party who was wronged begins the healing process by giving the other that gift of starting afresh. There can be no real repair of trust if the forgiveness is only lip service. A person who is forgiven must not be reminded daily of his or her actions that was “forgiven”.

Change behavior

When repairing trust in a marriage, the partner at wrong must display behavior that is keeping with someone who is regretful of his or her actions and is willing to make a change. Even where no ill intentions are being pursued, all actions must be evaluated for its authenticity and transparency. A change of behavior must reassure the other partner, that there is no need to worry about a breach in trust again.

Consider marriage counseling

Marriage counseling by a trained professional in handling and managing couples through marital issues is a great option to pursue when repairing the trust in your marriage. A breach of trust will naturally leave one or both partners not believing in anything that is being said or done by the other in the quest to repair the marriage. In marriage counseling, a marriage counselor will be able to guide the couple in exercises and useful techniques that will significantly help with repairing the trust. While some couples might have reservations about marriage counseling, it is a valuable outside tool that can repair the trust.

Renew your vows

There is no better way to display a commitment to each other and a reestablishing of the trust by renewing your vows. This ceremony represents a new beginning and also rekindles that first love feeling.

If you would like to speak with a marriage counselor, contact Hidden Stream Counseling call 919-307-3805.

How A Marriage Counselor Can Help Marriages

Marriage Counselor Raleigh

It takes a lot of work to make a relationship of any kind work. This is especially true when it comes to maintaining a healthy and strong marriage. Many people, around the world, seek out the services of a marriage counselor. Also known as couples therapy, this is a form of psychotherapy that is designed to help couples of all kinds identify and address conflicts in their relationship in order to improve their companionship.

Generally, these services are offered by licensed therapists, family or marriage. They have received a postgraduate or graduate degrees and usually have credentials to practice on a professional level. Most of these counseling services are done for a short period of time. Usually both people in the relationships work closely with the therapists. Sessions may include both partners, as well as one-on-one sessions with the therapists at some point in the process.

The services offered will vary by each situation. This counseling can help people in all kinds of relationships that are intimate, including married, homosexual, heterosexual or those just dating. Couples often seek this out in order to strengthen bonds and better understand one another. This can also help those looking to get married. Premarital counseling has been known to help couples grow closer, achieve greater understanding, and sort out differences before making a big commitment.

Reasons people seek these services range. Often it is because there are some troubles in the relationship, which may include: problems with communication, infidelity, sexual difficulties, anger, conflicts with rearing of children or blending families, financial issues or substance abuse. This type of aid can also be helpful for domestic abuse problems.

Results will vary based on many factors. People who are open and committed to the process are likely to see positive changes. It may take some time for changes to be noticeable, especially if the problems are deeply rooted.

Many like having the outside, unbiased perspective from these professionals. Costs will range and may be covered by some insurance plans. People should seek out the best available locally considering reviews, costs, services, credentials and other details.

Hidden Stream Counseling has a qualified marriage counselor on staff to help with your needs. Call them at 919-307-3805

Communicate with Your Partner Using Reflective Listening

Learn how to better communicate with your spouse or partner using reflective listening skills. For relationship help, contact us at 919-307-3805

3 Communication Skills for Marriages

Have you ever felt like you and your marriage partner are speaking but not communicating? Job stress, raising children, economic issues, and health problems: these can all put major stresses on a marriage and make proper communication seem as difficult as scaling Everest. But it can be done. And it could be the key to saving your marriage. So, how can you improve your communication skills?

Practice Reflective Listening

At some point, everyone is guilty of tuning their partner out, whether intentionally (watching TV whilst listening never ends well) or unintentionally (“I’m so tired. What should I make for dinner? Have the kids done their homework?…What did she just say?”). The solution is to practice reflective listening; pay attention, think about what your spouse is saying and reflect on how this is making them feel.

Ask Clarifying Questions

When discussing a delicate issue, it’s easy to jump to the wrong conclusions. Instead, pause, and then ask a clarifying question. For example, your husband announces he’s thinking of quitting his job. You have two options. Firstly, you could panic: “What about the mortgage? How will we put food on the table? We have credit card debt!” Or you could find out more about what your spouse is thinking: “Are you unhappy at work? Have you got another job in mind?”

Choose Your Words Wisely

The specific words you choose can have a greater impact on communication than you may think. For example, words like “never” or “always” come across as accusations that will in turn make your spouse feel defensive. Another point to remember is to use “I” instead of “you”. When you start sentences with “I”, you are expressing how you feel (“I felt hurt when you didn’t come home for dinner”), as opposed to accusing your spouse of bad motives (“You are so selfish, you never think of me!”).

Improving your styles of communication can be difficult, but the results are well worth the effort. And the good news is you don’t have to make this transition on your own. Hidden Stream Counseling employs qualified, experienced and empathetic counsellors who can help you to get your marriage back on track. They will teach you and your spouse how to communicate in a healthy and loving way, enabling you to prosper together, no matter what stresses life may throw at you.